The tranny at the bar

I walked into the bar around 11 on a Tuesday night. The bar has a special on Tuesdays, which is 25 cent Natty Light draws, so the place was packed with twentysomething college kids. I was there because Tuesdays are my days off, I was bored, and I wanted beer.

I strolled up the the actual bar and said my hellos. I knew the bartenders, John and Brooke, because I work across the street. The jostling of the crowd and the noise drowned out any real attempts at conversing with the help. Instead, I ran into a couple of my weekend regulars, guys who routinely come in to drink cheap and hit on girls.

"Did you see her?" Jordan, the tall, spikey blond guy asked.

"Who?"

"This chick with giant tits."

I glanced around. There wasn't exactly a dearth of large breasted women around.

"What about her?" I asked.

"She's not a she. But she has great tits."

Jordan and his friend wandered onto the back patio to continue to scope out the scene. I resumed my position at the bar and ordered another bottle of beer.

Soon, a tanned brunette with what can only be described as too-big-to-be-real boobs in a tiny white wifebeater came up and stood around the corner of the bar to me. Something was a tad off-putting about her. Maybe it was the heavy eyeliner. Maybe it was because her nipples were about to poke through the thin cotton of the shirt. Mostly, though, it was because she kept eyeing me and posing. She kept arching her back and standing in various positions, constantly turning to show off her chest at different angles.

It was a little disconcerting. The direct eye contact had me constantly moving my gaze from place to place. The absolute trainwreck was fascinating. I glanced at John, the bartender. He gave me a look that said "what the fuck?" Pretty soon, when it became obvious that I had no interest in conversing or paying any more attention to her than I was, she moved on. I watched as she kept looking at other men, winking at them.

Sure enough, there was a group of guys who had wandered in behind me, and one of them thought he had an easy target. He went up to her and gave her his best lines.

I kept watching.

Soon, they started putting their heads together, and I saw her say something into his ear. He stood straight up, as though shocked by an electric current. He backed away, then turned to his friends and started yelling, "She's got balls! She's got balls!" at the top of his lungs.

He ran (and I mean literally, ran) back to the safety of his friends, yelling "She's got balls!" the whole way. I glanced back at the now outed tranny. She gave a visible shrug, as if some drunk dude screaming out about her (his) genitalia was no big thing.

I immediately grabbed my phone and texted one of my best friends, a lesbian I used to work with. I knew she would get a kick out of this.

At the bar, I wrote. Tranny here.

Get pics! was the reply.

I worked the camera option on my phone. Unfortunately, it was too dark to make anything out.

Too dark, I replied.

Just remember don't go home with the tranny ho! she replied.

Lesbians.

I decided to pay my tab and head out. As I left, I turned around to see the tranny had been engaged in conversation with a drunk girl, no doubt because the girl was impressed by the tranny's choice in clothing.

It was time to go.

So just remember the immortal words of my friend- don't go home with the tranny ho!

Story?

There are many ways to die. Sean had seen almost all of them.

Back in Iraq, in 1991, Sean had been backing up the British SAS who were looking for Saddam's Scud missiles. At the time, they were raining down on Israeli cities and so the locating and destruction of them was a top priority. Sean and his fellow Rangers were in the deserts of western Iraq, looking (mostly unsuccessfully) for the mobile launchers. One would think that such a flat, featureless place would be difficult to hide a giant truck with a huge missile on the back. One would be wrong.

The desert is huge. Dotted with small, unknown villages, it is easy to get lost in. Usually the Iraqis would hide the trucks behind a building, covered in camo netting, and if it didn't move, it couldn't be spotted.

The Rangers came up on a such a village in the middle of the night. A lone dog barked, then quietly crept away. The Rangers spread out, silently going through the village, checking the buildings and looking out for Iraqi soldiers.

Sean was on point for his squad. As he stopped at the corner of a building, he checked around the edge and saw the tail fin of a missile. The wind had blown the edge of the netting over the fin, and had exposed the missile.

To be continued...

Tuesday night ramblings

Maybe I need more sleep. Maybe I need to just relax and let things happen. Of course, doing that my whole life really hasn't netted much in the way of positive things. I do believe that the time has come to grab the bull by the horns, metaphorically speaking, and start to take control of my life.

OK, so I know I want to write. In what way? Fiction, of course. I think the best way is to start writing a story, any story, and get the sucker published. That's always the hardest part. Once I get that, though, I can start building a resume of published work, and eventually, I will be what is known as an author. And that, my friends, is what I'm really looking at.

I have a book that details how to get started on this, and tomorrow I'm going to re-read it and start taking it seriously. Hopefully, I can get something published around town, to start off with. Building a foundation is never easy, and I've been slacking off for too long. The time is now. It's the only way I can do what I want to do and make any kind of money doing it.

Until tomorrow.

No title

Words. Turns of phrase. What do you do when you can’t think of anything new? To whom do you turn when your brain stops churning out those little nuggets of wisdom?

I learned a long time ago that the best thing to do is to just write. As long as you are putting anything on paper (or Word) you are doing well. Just write. I think that after a very long time I can come to grips with always wanting to be a writer. Dealing with that reality has been a burden. Always needing a job and not having the gumption to just WRITE for God’s sake. I think that Rubicon has been crossed, however. The one thing you owe yourself is to do what you want in life. To me that is writing.

I’m fairly certain that as I age I will get better and better. The only problem I have is what to write about. I do believe, though, that that issue will resolve itself. As long as I keep writing and developing my voice. I’ll know it when I get there.

The craziness of the American Midwestern small town

I spent the weekend in a "Weekend Improvement Program", or WIP, for my latest DUI. The state of Missouri runs these things through a private company, Midwest ADP. the basic premise is that you spend the weekend locked inside a hotel while going to various groups and classes where they talk about how bad booze and drugs are for you, and why you really, really have problems. Basically, it's like a rehash of high school health class.

I was sent to the Independence office of ADP to do my time, I suspect because they figured that I wouldn't get through the downtown WIP alive. So, I was sent to a Holiday Inn by the Truman Sports Complex to do it. Along with doing it in the country (by my standards), I also got to deal with country drunks and weirdos.

First is the girl who showed up 7 months pregnant. Counting backwards, I figured she had to be only a couple months preggers when she got her DUI. Alas, she had been responsible, she later told me. She had put off her WIP for over two years, well before she was pregnant. With this child, I assume.

On Friday night I got to meet my roommate for the weekend. Can't really recall his name, but he seemed like a fairly normal guy until he told me how he got his. It seems that his son was hanging out with some pothead friends, and the guy got so pissed that he drunkenly drove over to the kids' house to get his son. "I was so mad at that little shit, I purposefully drove through a red light," he told me.

At lights out, he gave me this little bit of info. "I drink a lot, so, I'll probably be throwing up this water that I've been drinking tonight."

"Really?" I said, not really comprehending what I had heard.

"Yep. I'll probably be in there all night."

Sure enough, not long after we turned in, he gets up and goes in the bathroom. I hear him coughing as the door closed. Jesus, I thought. He wasn't kidding.

He comes back out, lays down, and 10 minutes later he's back in the bathroom.

OK, I'm thinking. He had to show up today sober. So he probably hasn't had a drink in about 24 hours. So that means he can't live for a day without booze?

Seriously? You're so fucked up your body is rejecting... water?

Wow.

He ends up running to the bathroom about a half dozen times that night, interrupting my sleep, let alone his. I finally got around 4 hours of sleep that night, my roommate considerably less so.

The next day was all about "big groups" and "small groups" and watching videos and having discussions about our lives. I met a 52 year old Puerto Rican junkie from Jersey, a 20 year old heroin addict from Springfield, a douchebag 32 year old pilot from Grandview, and a 23 year old wiseass rich kid from Raymore.

The Raymore wiseass was the son of rich parents. He had been kicked out of high school for selling speed to the wrestling and football teams, he had gotten married to some girl and had a 3 year old daughter, and now he had gotten 3 DWI's in 8 months. Ahh, I though. That bar I work at? Yeah, he's basically one of our customers. Too young, too much money and too small of a brain.

Saturday was such a long day it was incredible. They woke us up at 6:30 and sent us to our rooms at 10:30. I never really got any sleep because I'm a third-shift guy trying to do a first-shift workload. If only I could have brought in some beer.

I finally made it out at 2 on Sunday afternoon. It felt like getting out of jail, and in a way I guess it was. Will it help? Not with my drinking but with my driving. Gotta be smarter than to drive around drunk.

Der Spiegel and Obama's economic plan

Here's what the Germans have to say about Obama's economic plans. It's pretty dead on, even with the latent anti-Americanisms. When the Europeans are concerned about your spending, it's time to call it quits.

Obama and the Chrysler deal. The man is dangerous.

From National Review Online...

Finally, A ‘Terrorist’ Obama Is Willing to Fight [Henry Payne]

Over the last two month, the Obama Treasury Department has attempted to steamroll the rule of law in order to hand majority control of Chrysler to its union, the federal government, and Fiat. With the tacit approval of a lapdog press that has virtually ignored the story, the administration’s mob-like tactics seemed destined to succeed — but for the brave protests of Indiana pension funds that have stood in the middle of the road and demanded accountability.

“The Obama administration’s effort to hurry Chrysler through bankruptcy court ran into an unexpected last-minute delay on Monday, when the Supreme Court said it could consider whether to hear the objections of three Indiana state funds and consumer groups,” read the New York Times’s lead story today. The court’s action is only “unexpected” for readers of the Times, who have been denied reporting (even as alternative press sources such as Planet Gore, Larry Kudlow, and The Business Insider have provided full coverage) on the administration extra-legal tactics in making offers that debt-holders like Indiana can’t refuse.

Those tactics have included the bullying of TARP banks and outright political intimidation of investment funds “to withdraw opposition to the deal under threat that the full force of the White House press corps would destroy its reputation if it continued to fight,” according to funds’ lawyer Tom Lauria.

Now, as a result of the Indiana funds’ persistence, documents have surfaced detailing in chilling detail how car czars Steve Rattner and Ron Bloom dictated the terms of Chrysler’s restructuring.

The documents show the Democratic administration’s determination to cut out Chrysler executives (who questioned Fiat’s worthiness as a partner) and secured debt-holders (who by law had first claim on Chrysler’s assets) in its single-minded determination to hand control of the company over to a key party political player, the UAW, and preserve union jobs. (As with its stimulus plan, the administration has framed its political power play as necessary to save the economy from collapse.)

Perhaps the most revealing documents detail how Chrysler executives tried to avert bankruptcy in late April — mindful of the legal rights of its debt-holders. But Chrysler management’s attempt to sweeten the deal to bondholders was met by the full fury of Obama’s Treasury.

“I am not talking to you,” responded Rattner deputy Matthew Feldman. “You went where you shouldn’t. It’s over. The president doesn’t negotiate second rounds. I’ve protected your management and your board, and now you’re going to put me in a position to have to bend to a terrorist like Lauria. That’s BS.”

So the lawyer trying to protect the pensions of retired Indiana teachers and firefighters and police officers is a “terrorist.” Remember that the next time President Obama says that his Chrysler deal is necessary to save America’s working man.

Comedy gold. Trust me.

The competent subsidizing the careless--that's classic Democratic Party policy.

From Powerline:


"Historically, it's been a truism that banks don't make money on credit card customers who pay off their bills every month. Instead, revenue has been raised disproportionately from the banks' more feckless customers, in the form of fees, penalties, and--most important, presumably--the high interest rates credit card companies charge on balances. Of course, that is not necessarily unjust, as these same feckless customers cause the most trouble and expense to credit card companies, not to mention the most losses when they can't pay their bill and default.

All of that is about to change, as Congress has just enacted new credit card regulations intended to limit banks' ability to collect money from distressed or incompetent customers. The New York Times explains the consequences:

"It will be a different business," said Edward L. Yingling, the chief executive of the American Bankers Association, which has been lobbying Congress for more lenient legislation on behalf of the nation's biggest banks. "Those that manage their credit well will in some degree subsidize those that have credit problems."

The competent subsidizing the careless--that's classic Democratic Party policy."

Of course, that's not the best part:


"This nugget provides insight into where the Obama administration is coming from on the issue:

Austan Goolsbee, an economic adviser to President Obama, said that while the credit card industry had the right to make a reasonable profit as long as its contracts were in plain language and rule-breakers were held accountable, its current practices were akin to "a series of carjackings."

"The card industry is giving the argument that if you didn't want to be carjacked, why weren't you locking your doors or taking a different road?" Mr. Goolsbee said.

This is stupid to an unusual degree, even by Obama administration standards. Does Obama's economic adviser actually believe that charging fees to credit card borrowers who don't follow the rules is the same is stealing a stranger's car at gunpoint? Maybe so; it's hard to say what this administration could do or say that would surprise us."

The country's in the best of hands.

Baseball

Milwaukee, Chicago, Cincy, and St. Louis are all within a half game of each other. Doesn't baseball rock?

Norm MacDonald knows Bob Uecker

Mark Steyn on the death of the West

Imprimis

Things are crazy...

I've never trusted Barack Obama. I've always thought he was a snake-oil salesman from Chicago. The fact that he survived, nay, thrived, in that corrupt environment just means that he's as corrupt as anyone.

He also uses thug, gangster-like tactics to get his way. He tried with the Chrysler investors, but when they didn't want to take 20 cents to the dollar they invested, he had his boys threaten them with the White House Press Corp to dig up dirt on them. Think about that. the POTUS is using his office to threaten people who don't agree with his policies (and who would lose 80% of their investment)from speaking out. Bush would have been crucified.

However. he's getting static. From, the Business Insider, the story so far.

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-white-house-is-now-refusing-to-respond-to-chrysler-threat-stories-2009-5

Something I've been thinnking about...

We all know that at the Miss USA pageant, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, was asked by judge Perez Hilton a question regarding gay marriage, and whether she supports it. (Perez Hilton is out and proud.) Miss Prejean answered the following way...

"I believe that marriage is the union between a man and a woman. Now, for me as a Christian, it's also a sacred union. You know, God's in the mix."




Oops, that was then-Presidential candidate Barack Obama, at Rick Warren's megachurch during a debate with John McCain last fall. My question is, why does Perez Hilton and the rest of the Hollywood Left give Obama a pass, yet they savagely attack Miss Prejean for essentially having the exact same views? Hypocrisy, much?

Hank Williams III

Hank III doing "Smoke and Wine". I'm seeing him tomorrow at the Beaumont.

Sunday snow

Dilbert gets it right

Ever wonder what it would be like to get called to appear in front of one of those congressional hearings? I have, and I've also had dreams of what I would say. Dilbert captures it quite nicely.

One more

From the Bob and Brian morning show in Milwaukee, talking with their old friend, sports guy Steve Czaban. Czabe has some ideas for the new Cubs' owners, including a name change and a stadium relocation. Gold, pure gold...

(Look for the 1-23-2009 Czaban podcast)

http://www.1029thehog.com/Bob---Brian-On-Demand---Podcast/2560707

Let the season begin!

This is the famous Lee Elia rant about the Cubs' fan base. Nearly everything I loathe about the Cubs can be found here.

h/t: Nick Sloan

Well...

Here's something that you knew was going to happen.

Amy Fisher's a Stripper

Tuesday Night Bottles

Tacos! Tacos! Tacos!

There's a little place in Westport called El Rancho. A Mexican place, it has some of the most authentic Mexican food I can find in town.







Influenced by Anthony Bourdain No Reservations, a couple of weeks ago I decided to try out their tacos. Real tacos, not the Taco Bell style. Soft corn tortillas, with pulled pork (pulled pork, man! Pulled pork!), onions, cilantro, and a squeeze of lime juice. Oh, it's good, my friends.


Delicious and filling. It's rare that I can eat all four, although today I was hungry enough to do just that. I think the owners and staff, who are all expats, find it amusing that this gringo comes in and always orders his tacos traditional style.

Yes, I have a thing for pork.

Calvin and Hobbes gets our economic situation just right

Since I don't want to post the comic directly on this blog, for purely legal reasons, I will direct you to this link.

Amazing how a comic strip can be so much more forthright, honest, and direct than any politician, pundit, or special-interest spokesperson out there. Pretty much our economic situation in a nutshell.

Obama's new dollar bill

h/t: The People's Cube

The Nanny State strikes again

Well, the geniuses in Jeff City have taken up a bill to ban Jello shots, kegs, beer bongs, and styrofoam containers from Missouri rivers. Apparently, they're worried that the children are being exposed to nudity and drunkeness on Missouri's rivers.

"Senate Bill 2, sponsored by Republican Sen. Delbert Scott, (I hate it when Republicans do this shit. The State demonizing SUV's is bad, but let's let the State dictate how to spend our weekends. It's for the Children!) would ban beer kegs, Styrofoam coolers, Jell-O containing alcohol and beer bongs used for binge drinking on rivers. The legislation also would prohibit the exchange of Mardi Gras bead necklaces for displays of nudity.

Supporters of the bill say intoxication and nudity are becoming commonplace on Missouri's best canoeing rivers, especially the Niangua River in Dallas County. (Which is why people choose to spend their weekends there, dumbasses.)

In testimony to the Senate Judiciary and Civil and Criminal Jurisprudence Committee on Monday, Scott said families and church groups are being scared off "because of drunkenness and nudity on the streams." (Then don't go there. See? Freedom!)

Scott's bill would adopt guidelines already in place for federally protected rivers like the Jacks Forks River in Shannon County that prohibit drinking paraphernalia he described as "high octane instruments to get drunk quick."

The senator from Lowry City is not proposing banning alcohol on rivers altogether, just regulating the paraphernalia and mass consumption of booze in hopes of cutting down on the number of women who drunkenly expose themselves for beads -- a popular pastime on Bourbon Street this time of the year.

"The buzz that we hear up in our area is you cannot (canoe) on weekends with children," said Sen. Matt Bartle, R-Lee's Summit, who chairs the committee. "There's so many drunks out. People don't think it's safe to be on the rivers Friday, Saturday and Sunday."

...

Here's the deal. If you know drunken hijinks and nudity are going on and you don't like that sort of thing, THEN DON'T GO THERE. Especially don't bring your kids down there. It's like going to a strip club and demanding that the girls put their clothes back on.

I propose a bill that says that any idiot parents or church groups that expose their kids to that sort of thing be arrested for child abuse.

There are hundreds of rivers that have campgrounds that offer float trips in Missouri. Surely there are more than a couple that offer nudity- and drunk-free weekends for the precious tots.

Besides, I've been on these trips plenty of times. It's not like there's anarchy and chaos. People get drunk, women flash their breasts (oh, the humanity! We must protect children from the evils of teh boobies!), and you end the afternoon at the campground and pass out in your tent.

Plus, it's not like the cops are really there to enforce the laws that are already in place against public nudity and drunkeness. The cops I've seen are usually hitting on the females and busting stoners with less than a couple grams of weed to make up the county's budget.

All this is is a chance for the State to get itself invovled with regulating fairly innocent behavior that it doesn't agree with. Dems and Republicans are both guilty of this abuse of power. That's why the best thing to do is to reduce the size and scope of the government. It's the only way to keep the government off our backs.

My new favorite song

Just goes to show how out of popular culture I am. It's a product of getting old. Anyways, my new favorite song is Revelations by Audioslave.

Barack Obama hates white people

Remember after Katrina, less than a day after the storm blew through and devastated New Orleans, and left-wing blogs and pundits were screaming about "the incompetence of the Bush Administration"to respond to the needs of the victims? Remember Kanye West saying on national tv, "George Bush hates black people"? Remember how this was proof positive of the eeevil of Bush and the GOP?

My, how times change.

A couple of days ago, a massive ice storm blew through the Midwest, cutting off power and heat to millions of mostly poor, rural white folks in Kentucky and Tennessee. Where has President Messiah been? Trying to push through his irresponsible, $1.2 trillion boondoggle of a "stimulus" (really, a gift bag to Democratic constituencies).

President Messiah has absolutely failed in his responsibilties to the American people:

MARION, Ky. – In some parts of rural Kentucky, they're getting water the old-fashioned way — with pails from a creek. There's not room for one more sleeping bag on the shelter floor. The creative are flushing their toilets with melted snow.

At least 42 people have died, including 11 in Kentucky, and conditions are worsening in many places days after an ice storm knocked out power to 1.3 million customers from the Plains to the East Coast. About a million people were still without electric Friday, and with no hope that the lights will come back on soon, small communities are frantically struggling to help their residents.

One county put it bluntly: It can't.

"We're asking people to pack a suitcase and head south and find a motel if they have the means, because we can't service everybody in our shelter," said Crittenden County Judge-Executive Fred Brown, who oversees about 9,000 people, many of whom are sleeping in the town's elementary school.

Local officials were growing angry with what they said was a lack of help from the state and the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In Grayson County, about 80 miles southwest of Louisville, Emergency Management Director Randell Smith said the 25 National Guardsmen who have responded have no chain saws to clear fallen trees.

"We've got people out in some areas we haven't even visited yet," Smith said. "We don't even know that they're alive."

Smith said FEMA has been a no-show so far.

"I'm not saying we can't handle it; we'll handle it," Smith said. "But it would have made life a lot easier" if FEMA had reached the county sooner, he said.

...

Meanwhile, the death toll was rising: Since the storm began Monday, the weather is suspected in at least 11 deaths in Kentucky, nine more in Arkansas, six each in Texas and Missouri, three in Virginia, two each in Oklahoma, Indiana and West Virginia and one in Ohio, with most of them blamed on hypothermia, traffic accidents and carbon monoxide poisoning from generators.

Among the latest deaths reported were those of a man in his 60s, a woman in her 50s and a woman in her 40s who were found in a southwestern Louisville home Friday. The younger woman was found in bed; the other two were found in the garage, along with a generator, police spokesman Phil Russell said.

The fight to return power to Kentucky and other areas affected by the ice storm is difficult because of the sheer number of outages, but also because of the ice itself. Crews have joined the effort from around the country, but more than a half-million homes and businesses were still out in Kentucky on Friday, along with roughly 78,000 in Missouri and 284,000 in Arkansas. Thousands more were still in the dark in Ohio, Tennessee and West Virginia.

So, this can only mean one thing: Barack Obama hates white people.

And where is the main stream media on this? Oh yeah, lusting after the Lightbringer, the Man who can save our souls.

It's gonna be a long four years.

Why I'm glad Obama is now president

Sounds weird for a libertarian to be saying those things, right? Well, let me tell you, it's even weirder for me to write them. Yes, I voted for McCain, but today, the day after the "historic" inauguration (aren't they all historic?) I'm starting to see things that I will like about having Obama in the White House.

1. I don't have to defend John McCain. After spending close to the last 8 years defending Bush, it's a relief to be a member of the opposition. It's so subversive. Plus, I know that McCain would be doing plenty of things that Obama plans to do (like the stimulus, closing Gitmo, amnesty) that I thoroughly disagree with. Thus, I can say, "Hey, I didn't vote for him. He's your guy, so go ahead and defend this unpopular decision."

2. Obamamaniacs DO have to defend Obama. This fits in with #1. I have seen too many young hipster democrats talking as if their shit doesn't stink these last 8 years, and now they have to put up or shut up. It'll be fun to see them twist themselves into knots now that dissent isn't patriotic, The Man is black, and they have to acknowledge that America truly is a great country.

3. The end of the anti-war opposition. These people do nothing more than piss me off. So, I'm just supposed to sit down and iron out the differences with people who have sworn to destroy me and my nation? The idiocy, the moral preening of the anti-war Left knows no bounds. Thankfully, when a Democrat is running a war, the protests are very small and unnoticed. Which, obviously, shows us the true nature of the protesters- they're not anti-war, they're anti-Republican. It'll be tough for these pinheads like Medea Benjamin to get anyone to scream about Afghanistan or Iraq when the Messiah is leading the charge.

4. Racial grievance mongering is on its way out. No matter what Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and their ilk might say, it'll be hard to press the race button anymore now that a black man is the Leader of the Free World. What the election of Obama does is show minorities that you can rise in this country if you have the ambition, grit, and determination to move yourself up the ladder. Believe it or not, racism doesn't control this country, not any more.

5. People will stop believing in Big Government. Look, I'm prepared that the American people are ready to start having more government control over their lives and wallets. But this is a paradox for the True Believers in Government; America, and the American dream, is about having less government than more, and we as a people have a tendency to turn back to freedom once we get a taste of that big ol' government cheese. So, go ahead Dems, pass your legislation regarding oil and gas consumption, restaurant menus, recycling programs, etc. Watch it all blow up in your face.

6. We can finally clean house in the GOP. Enough with these dipshit "compassionate conservatives". Conservative thinking IS compassionate, if you allow people to be adults and make up their own minds. Also, now that we're in the minority, there's less chance of corruption and graft charges for the GOP. Look, the Democrats are the champions of the corruption game; they can't help themselves. Let them do what's natural for them, get leaders in place who look like Eliot Ness, and watch the GOP clean up in 2, 4, or 8 years. And then govern like it. No more Tom Delays!

In the end, I do wish our new president good luck in his new gig. I can only hope that constantly campaigning for the next, higher office really does prepare one for as tough a job as the US Presidency (as during the campaign he assured us it was). It's all our country, and I hope he does the nation proud.

But I'm not holding my breath.

Monday nights

So, I've picked up the Monday night shift, due to the fact that one of our door guys is an anarchist and is trying to cut working out of his life. (I'm not kidding.) Count this as one of the weirder Mondays. I had two birthday parties come in, one of which was a guy's 21st. (The other had a very eclectic mix of people, and the girls were pretty damn hot.) In any case, the 21st birthday guy ended up puking into a garbage can, after which I had to ask the party to take him home. Look, like fighting, another rule for bar patrons is that if you puke in the bar, you need to go home.

Now, I can understand a person celebrating their 21st and throwing up. It happened to me, although I waited until I got home to do it. However, the second person to puke tonight was a 40-something douchebag who was drinking Wild Turkey on the rocks.

Seriously. You're 40, and you're still throwing up in the bar? Plus, this idiot was trying way too hard to pick up girls who were A- half his age and B- completely not interested. What a winner. At least he didn't throw up on the bar (that's a relief), but he did do it in the fucking urinal. Again, just so I'm clear, he threw up in the urinal.

Ugh.

How fucking sick are you to plant your face right where complete strangers have been pissing for the last twelve hours and heave chunks? Now, getting sick in your own toilet is one thing, because it's your own toilet, but getting sick in a public bathroom with your face in the fucking urinal HAS to be one of the low points of anyone's life. I would think that is up there with waking up with a dead hooker, pissing yourself on a dance floor, or gambling your children's college fund away. What kind of life does a person have to lead to drink themselves sick into a urinal?

In any case, the douchebag came out after conducting his business, and I told him, look, I can't have people throwing up in the bar, so you have to leave. So he smiled at me, lifted his almost full glass, and chugged down the entire thing of Wild Turkey. Wow. I would think that wouldn't help calm down an upset stomach, but there it is.

Needless to say, cleaning it up wasn't the highlight of my night. But, I got through it without tossing my own cookies (remarkably enough, cause it was fucking horrible). So ended my first Monday night. Let's hope that the others aren't quite so bad.

National Championship Game

OU vs. Florida, game starts at 7. Gonna be interesting to see if OU can roll with Tebow. Let's face it- while I hate the Gators (or any Florida team), and I'd like to see OU win, it'll be tough out there. My final prediction? Florida 45, OU 42. It'll be a shootout, and I don't think either defense really brings it.

Now, where do I go to watch it? Hmmm...

End of the Holidays roundup

The last Sunday of the two week, three weekend holidays of 2008. Let me tell you, I'm glad it's over. It's not that I hate the holidays; far from it. I just get tired of them after a while. Besides, we can't get through winter without getting through the holidays, can we?

I think I've recovered finally from my New Year's Day celebrating. Since I didn't really drink on the Eve, due to my working that night, I decided to party out on the Day. I didn't start getting over that until today.

I watched the Vikings-Eagles game today. Bwahahaha! My loathing for the Vikings is long and legendary, matched only by my loathing for the Cubs. Anytime either one of those teams lose it makes my day. For example, in 1998-99, when the Queens had that 15-1 season, they were the team of destiny to win it all, and they lost the NFC Championship Game to the Atlanta Falcons on a field goal in OT, I was cheering as though I was born in the ATL. Likewise, the Steve Bartman Game and the aftermath was more proof of the Cubs' Loser Status, while for me, watching them melt down was unmitigated joy. So watching the Vikings lose, badly, to an Eagles team that snuck its way into the playoffs was sweet.

(Before you start embarrassing yourselves, Cubs and Queens fans, no, neither the Pack nor the Brewers went very far this year [actually, the Brew Crew won more games in the postseason than the Cubs] but at least the Brewers have been to the Series in our lifetimes, plus the Milwaukee Braves actually won the Series against the Yanks in '57. As for the Packers, they have the second most Hall of Famers, the most World Championships, a venue that is the very soul of pro football, and loyal fans from around the globe. Suck it.)