The tranny at the bar

I walked into the bar around 11 on a Tuesday night. The bar has a special on Tuesdays, which is 25 cent Natty Light draws, so the place was packed with twentysomething college kids. I was there because Tuesdays are my days off, I was bored, and I wanted beer.

I strolled up the the actual bar and said my hellos. I knew the bartenders, John and Brooke, because I work across the street. The jostling of the crowd and the noise drowned out any real attempts at conversing with the help. Instead, I ran into a couple of my weekend regulars, guys who routinely come in to drink cheap and hit on girls.

"Did you see her?" Jordan, the tall, spikey blond guy asked.

"Who?"

"This chick with giant tits."

I glanced around. There wasn't exactly a dearth of large breasted women around.

"What about her?" I asked.

"She's not a she. But she has great tits."

Jordan and his friend wandered onto the back patio to continue to scope out the scene. I resumed my position at the bar and ordered another bottle of beer.

Soon, a tanned brunette with what can only be described as too-big-to-be-real boobs in a tiny white wifebeater came up and stood around the corner of the bar to me. Something was a tad off-putting about her. Maybe it was the heavy eyeliner. Maybe it was because her nipples were about to poke through the thin cotton of the shirt. Mostly, though, it was because she kept eyeing me and posing. She kept arching her back and standing in various positions, constantly turning to show off her chest at different angles.

It was a little disconcerting. The direct eye contact had me constantly moving my gaze from place to place. The absolute trainwreck was fascinating. I glanced at John, the bartender. He gave me a look that said "what the fuck?" Pretty soon, when it became obvious that I had no interest in conversing or paying any more attention to her than I was, she moved on. I watched as she kept looking at other men, winking at them.

Sure enough, there was a group of guys who had wandered in behind me, and one of them thought he had an easy target. He went up to her and gave her his best lines.

I kept watching.

Soon, they started putting their heads together, and I saw her say something into his ear. He stood straight up, as though shocked by an electric current. He backed away, then turned to his friends and started yelling, "She's got balls! She's got balls!" at the top of his lungs.

He ran (and I mean literally, ran) back to the safety of his friends, yelling "She's got balls!" the whole way. I glanced back at the now outed tranny. She gave a visible shrug, as if some drunk dude screaming out about her (his) genitalia was no big thing.

I immediately grabbed my phone and texted one of my best friends, a lesbian I used to work with. I knew she would get a kick out of this.

At the bar, I wrote. Tranny here.

Get pics! was the reply.

I worked the camera option on my phone. Unfortunately, it was too dark to make anything out.

Too dark, I replied.

Just remember don't go home with the tranny ho! she replied.

Lesbians.

I decided to pay my tab and head out. As I left, I turned around to see the tranny had been engaged in conversation with a drunk girl, no doubt because the girl was impressed by the tranny's choice in clothing.

It was time to go.

So just remember the immortal words of my friend- don't go home with the tranny ho!