The craziness of the American Midwestern small town

I spent the weekend in a "Weekend Improvement Program", or WIP, for my latest DUI. The state of Missouri runs these things through a private company, Midwest ADP. the basic premise is that you spend the weekend locked inside a hotel while going to various groups and classes where they talk about how bad booze and drugs are for you, and why you really, really have problems. Basically, it's like a rehash of high school health class.

I was sent to the Independence office of ADP to do my time, I suspect because they figured that I wouldn't get through the downtown WIP alive. So, I was sent to a Holiday Inn by the Truman Sports Complex to do it. Along with doing it in the country (by my standards), I also got to deal with country drunks and weirdos.

First is the girl who showed up 7 months pregnant. Counting backwards, I figured she had to be only a couple months preggers when she got her DUI. Alas, she had been responsible, she later told me. She had put off her WIP for over two years, well before she was pregnant. With this child, I assume.

On Friday night I got to meet my roommate for the weekend. Can't really recall his name, but he seemed like a fairly normal guy until he told me how he got his. It seems that his son was hanging out with some pothead friends, and the guy got so pissed that he drunkenly drove over to the kids' house to get his son. "I was so mad at that little shit, I purposefully drove through a red light," he told me.

At lights out, he gave me this little bit of info. "I drink a lot, so, I'll probably be throwing up this water that I've been drinking tonight."

"Really?" I said, not really comprehending what I had heard.

"Yep. I'll probably be in there all night."

Sure enough, not long after we turned in, he gets up and goes in the bathroom. I hear him coughing as the door closed. Jesus, I thought. He wasn't kidding.

He comes back out, lays down, and 10 minutes later he's back in the bathroom.

OK, I'm thinking. He had to show up today sober. So he probably hasn't had a drink in about 24 hours. So that means he can't live for a day without booze?

Seriously? You're so fucked up your body is rejecting... water?

Wow.

He ends up running to the bathroom about a half dozen times that night, interrupting my sleep, let alone his. I finally got around 4 hours of sleep that night, my roommate considerably less so.

The next day was all about "big groups" and "small groups" and watching videos and having discussions about our lives. I met a 52 year old Puerto Rican junkie from Jersey, a 20 year old heroin addict from Springfield, a douchebag 32 year old pilot from Grandview, and a 23 year old wiseass rich kid from Raymore.

The Raymore wiseass was the son of rich parents. He had been kicked out of high school for selling speed to the wrestling and football teams, he had gotten married to some girl and had a 3 year old daughter, and now he had gotten 3 DWI's in 8 months. Ahh, I though. That bar I work at? Yeah, he's basically one of our customers. Too young, too much money and too small of a brain.

Saturday was such a long day it was incredible. They woke us up at 6:30 and sent us to our rooms at 10:30. I never really got any sleep because I'm a third-shift guy trying to do a first-shift workload. If only I could have brought in some beer.

I finally made it out at 2 on Sunday afternoon. It felt like getting out of jail, and in a way I guess it was. Will it help? Not with my drinking but with my driving. Gotta be smarter than to drive around drunk.